We believe that pleasure and orgasms are a lifelong journey – and such an inspiring territory to explore – whether you’re multi-orgasmic or are just starting to learn what your body is capable of. If you’ve never had an orgasm, or if they’ve been hard to come by, don’t worry. Absolutely nothing is wrong with you, we promise!
Clitoral Orgasms
Despite what you might have seen in movies (or porn) where vigorous thrusting is all anyone needs to dissolve in shrieking ecstasy, 70% of people with vulvas need direct clitoral stimulation in order to climax. This is why clitoral orgasms are widely regarded as the most accessible orgasm, and you can have them any number of ways – by hand, with a vibrator, via oral stimulation, or with the ever-popular detachable showerhead.
In fact, when you touch anywhere in the genital region, there’s a good chance you’re actually stimulating some part of the clitoris – and since every body is unique, this may partially account for why our needs are so individualized.
Internal/G-spot Orgasms
We often hear unhelpful cultural narratives that claim penetration is the be-all and end-all of sexual intimacy, and many of us may believe that something is wrong if we can’t climax from penetration alone. And many people never have – about 25% can orgasm from internal stimulation alone, and many more do with internal and clitoral stimulation combined.
The key to internal orgasms is the legendary and elusive G-spot, which isn’t really a spot. It’s a bed of glands, erectile tissue, and nerve endings that’s located a couple of inches inside the vagina. Its anatomy and placement are different for everyone, which explains why some people climax easily from penetration and some never do. It’s also closely interlinked with our friend the clitoris – so in some sense, internal orgasms are clitoral orgasms.
Cervical Orgasms
Now we enter into the lesser-known world of orgasmic legend. Are cervical orgasms real? They certainly are. Have most of us experienced them? Maybe not. But they’re worth trying for, so let’s start with the basics.
So cervical orgasms are most likely to happen when you are already very very very turned on. Once you are aroused, feeling open and well-lubricated, try a slow circular stimulation around the end of the cervix (which feels a bit like the end of a slippery nose). If your partner is exploring with you, make sure you are tracking what feels good and letting them know what pressure, speed, and type of touch is really working for you. Enduring any type of touch that you aren’t loving is a total turn-off, and definitely won’t let you enjoy some of these deeper orgasms.
AFE Orgasms
Wait, what? Don’t worry if you’ve never heard of the AFE, sometimes known as the “deep spot”. Though some people with vaginas have likely known about it for millennia, it wasn’t officially “discovered” until 1997.
Also called the A-spot, its official (unsexy) name is the anterior fornix erogenous zone. Like the G-spot, it’s also located on the inside front wall of the vagina, but it’s higher up – right in front of the cervix. You’ll likely need a slim wand toy to access the AFE, unless you or your partner have long fingers (or other parts), but if you can get there, you may be richly rewarded. A study showed that A-spot stimulation significantly increased vaginal lubrication, and over a third of participants experienced orgasm – perhaps much to their surprise.
Anal Orgasms
Yes, they’re real. Anal orgasms are yet another illustration of how complex and interconnected our pleasure wiring is, and how unique our experiences are.
Some people have a lot of nerve endings concentrated in the anus. Additionally, the internal anal sphincter is connected with the entire parasympathetic nervous system, and the anus shares deep nerve connections with the vagina, vulva, and our friend the clitoris as well. This can all make for an incredible full-body O – when undertaken with care, patience, and lots and lots of lube. Since the anus and the clitoris can talk to each other, try a combination of types of stimulation, and see what happens.
Nipple Orgasms
The Kama Sutra has a lot to say about breasts and sex, and with good reason. One study found that nipple stimulation can activate the genital sensory cortex, the area of the brain that responds to genital stimulation – still more evidence that our intimate parts aren’t as separate as we might think. Some people even experience orgasm from nipple play alone, including many folks with disabilities that reduce sensation below the waist.
Though nipple-only orgasms are pretty rare, it’s still very worth paying all those nerve endings some mindful attention. Those who have them say that nipple orgasms tend to sneak up on them – so even if nothing much seems to be happening, be patient.
Dream Orgasms
Wet dreams aren’t just for horny adolescents. Since the brain is the largest sex organ, it should come as no surprise that some people have orgasms in their sleep. Dreams can feel very real, so the brain sometimes can’t tell the difference between real physical touch and the experiences of the sleeping subconscious.
In fact, some people report only having orgasms in their sleep. If that’s the best way for you to get there, it can represent a fascinating erotic playground. You can examine your dreams by keeping a diary and documenting what turns you on in dreamland, and trying to explore this, or aspects of it, when you are awake.
Onward and Upward
What have we learned? The whole vulva and vagina, the entire body, and the entire brain can contribute to incredible orgasms. We talk about zones, spots, and specific anatomy as a way to locate potential pleasure – but that’s just a starting point. Everyone’s body is different, and your favorite trick may be out of the question for someone else. The most important takeaway is that your pleasure and your body are your own. The more you know and practice, the more potential you have to experience extraordinary pleasure – solo or with a partner.